Giving it to God

Today I was watching Ruby, the show about a 700+ lb women losing weight naturally through diet and exercise. She has lost 450 pounds and has been hovering over the same weight for about a year now. During this weeks episode, she went to a therapist in an attempt to discover hidden memories about her childhood that may contribute to her size. Her therapist said she was a food addict and should go through the 12 step program. Ruby disagreed, and her therapist said she was in denial. This made me think, am I a food addict? I remember going to the doctor a few years ago (quite a few pounds lighter) and asking for her diet pills. She recommended I join overeaters anoymous. I was outraged...well mostly hurt. Watching that episode, I thought maybe her statement had some validity. I went on their website to see if I could "diagnose" myself. Under "Am I a Food Addict," their were several questions to which I shamefully answered yes to. Well I am not about to go to any meetings and recite the 12 steps and stand up to proclaim, "My name is Brittni and I'm a food addict." I did, however, take note to all references the 12 steps gave to God; realizing that giving up addiction, changing, is not something that you do on your own.

I am giving this fight to God. I will think positively and will give all negative thoughts to God. I know that after years of trying, of going up and down with my weight, I am not good at creating positive change on my own. Through prayer, meditation and an honest confrontation/conversation with my innerself, I will become the person I know I can be.

What Now?

I've been trying to get motivated for several months now to no avail. I'm bigger than I was when I started this blog, bigger than I've ever been. When I look in the mirror, I don't recognize my body as mine. I've lost site of my goals and to be honest I'm not sure why. The reasons for me where so authentic; I wanted to lead a healthier lifestyle. Initially, I made dramatic changes. I stopped using cleaning products with harmful chemicals; I stopped getting my hair relaxed; I switched to organic foods I purchased from Farmers Markets. What happened to all that momentum? Although I continued a relatively chemical free lifestyle, fatty foods gradually crept back in and the holidays really took a toll on any hint of a diet.

I am an expert at losing weight. I have done it several times, up to 25 pounds at least 3x in my 28 years. The problem, is each time, I can it back plus 5-10 extra to boot. I just found out that this what is means to be a yo-yo dieter.

So...what now? Stay fat? Not a chance. Its quite uncomfortable. I waddle rather than walk now. I am out of breathe from a just a few steps. When I sit, my stomach rest disgustingly on my lap. I can't take a picture that will disguise my double chin. My poor eating habits are apparent on my pimple laden face and dry, brittle coils. It is way past time to take charge of my health. I've checked out some books from the library (yes, I have a library card and I use it). I'm going to do some reading on some popular diets and decide what will be easiest for me to follow; what will allow life to happen; what will be most likely to help me both lose weight and keep it off!

So here I go again and this time, I plan to be much more diligent in tracking my progress, set-backs and frustrations. This blog will be literally, my rantings, and soon, I will be a former fat girl!

Motivation

SparkPeople Translation:

Personal improvement, whether it’s weight loss or skill building, is about creating or losing a habit. Still, somewhere along the way, it’s become an event. People diet until they lose 20 pounds – and then stop the smart eating and exercise that got them there. Once they reach their goal, they go back to the way they lived before and wonder why the weight comes back. For permanent change, habits need to stick around for the long run. In what way would you like to be excellent? What do people who are excellent in this way do on a regular basis? Can you do just one of those small things today? Of course one act does not build a foundation, but it does get you started. With repetition and time, that one action will seem more normal. Once it becomes a habit, it becomes part of who you are, and the transformation is complete.

An Inspiring Weight Loss Journey

This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind...let it be something good. ~Author Unknown~

We all can make excuses in life for why things do not happen, but in the end it is what is inside of us that will ultimately decide the life we live, not our surroundings or our circumstances. Each one of us has the ability to wake up each morning and start over. There is not a gym in the world that will do it for you, not a pill or a trainer that will take the place of one's determination to meet a goal.~jensjourney.com Jenny has lost a total of 69 pounds with determination, self-motivation, hard-work and planning. Her blog inspires me to make a record of everything; track my progress and even my missteps; to really view my desire to lose weight as my desire to get healthy, get fit and get living. Take a look at her blog, The shape of things to come. It's filled with inspiration and great information and links to nutrition and fitness sites.

Long Time No See

Wow! It has been awhile since I've posted anything. I feel guilty, this whole thing was my idea. It's so easy to be excited and motivated in the beginning, but staying that way is the real challenge. Had we really changed our mindsets? Probably not. We lost a few pounds, gained a few back. I don't think anyone changed their lifestyle. No one made a real change. I decided to stop talking about it until I had something to talk about. Until I could say that these are the changes I have made, not speaking about the future, but talking about the immediate past and present.

So here I am talking. Two weeks ago, I started working out 3-4 days a week. Then I started a detox (colon cleanse, parasite cleanse and detox tea). I stopped eating meat (just during the cleansing) and about 90% of my diet is fruit and vegetables. Then I went to a weight loss clinic and they put me on some Rx diet pills. This is helping me curb my appetite and control my cravings. I am using the pills as an aid, not a crutch. They are expensive, so I will only be using them for a short time. I am still eating healthy, working out, and trying to get enough sleep. I am drinking tons of water and I look for new inspiration everyday.

I hope to continue doing this and getting and giving support from my fellow FFFG's! We are still friends for change, but I just believe this new blog name provides more inspiration. See you at the finish line!

Inauguration of President Barack Obama

What a wonderful day yesterday, January 20, 2009 was. To be out there amongst the crowds of hundreds and thousands of people, all jubilant to be experiencing the historic 56th inauguration of America’s first black president, Barack H. Obama! We endured long walks through the bitter wind to stand side by side with people from all walks of life. People of all races, beliefs, creeds and point of views standing together to witness the ushering in of a new era. What a day! I am inspired to be a better me. A better sister, daughter, friend, worker, Christian, volunteer, writer, poet, housekeeper, cook, dog owner. Everything that I am, I am inspired to be better. Congratulations President Obama! We are so proud of you and your family for having the audacity of hope!

Motivation of the Day

There are two ways of attaining an important end--force and perseverance. Force falls to the lot only of the privileged few, but austere and sustained perseverance can be practised by the most insignificant. Its silent power grows irresistible with time. --Madame Swetchine